I am puke
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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