Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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