He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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