the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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