dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
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Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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