I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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