just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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