those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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