Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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