so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
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We don't watch enough power rangers
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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