I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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