I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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