I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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