i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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