Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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