The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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