Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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