Are we in a gay sports bar?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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