He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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