They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
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