well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize