I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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