We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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