i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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