Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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