I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
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dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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