i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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