i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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