You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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