Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize