Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize