did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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