my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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