i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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