I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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