She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
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And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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