Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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