I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize