I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize