6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize