What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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