Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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