I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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