hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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