1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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