I met the friendliest cop last night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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