I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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