Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize