I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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