she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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